1 John 4:19 We Love because he first loved us.
Psalm 139: 13 For You Created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb.
I remember a time when I hated. I hated because I did not know love. Love, in my mind hurt too much. It was not worth obtaining because every time I got a glimpse it would get polluted, distorted, and abused. Love required trust. And even though I yearned for Love, I did not trust. Because everyone handling my love never took care of it! I felt nobody I gave my love to ever nourished it. They were all too busy searching for their Love. They were searching for their emptiness to be filled as was I. In the midst of broken hearts, everyone around me was looking aimlessly for something they had no understanding of, no experience with, and no foundation in.
I didn’t understand why I did not feel loved by my mother, my father, or any of the boys I let into my heart. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I was simply un-lovable. Maybe it wasn’t the fault of those who hurt me. It must have just been me.
Amazingly enough, I had to feel unloved in order for God to show me what Love is. He brought people into my surroundings who had been filled by this supernatural Love that only those who have experienced the Son of God himself could understand. They no longer searched for Love; they knew Love. There was an unusual kindness about the way I was talked to. There was an attraction that kept making me go back to those who talked about Jesus. There was a connection I didn’t understand but made me cry and feel wanted at the same time.
God is a mysterious God. He showed me love when I hated. He used his children to bring me to him. He formed me with purpose. Of course I am wanted! Of course I am lovable! Human beings by our own means are not capable of the everlasting, flawless, transforming Love God gives, but through Jesus Christ we learn to love. God is Love. We become imitators so that others may experience Love through him, and we become stewards so that others may join his Kingdom.
Glory to God forever and ever!