In the world I live in: brokenness, poorness, loneliness, helplessness usually disqualifies me from a promotion, a loan, a friend’s trust, a support system etc. I would not go to a job interview and let my potential boss know that I am not good with time, that I don’t get anything done if I have too many due dates, or that I’m broke! I often walk around life with the unspoken reality of being flawed. Unspoken because no one wants to hear about that! Unspoken, because it’s embarrassing to share my shortcomings. Unspoken, because someone might not like me. Unspoken, because I want to hide my imperfections as much as possible in order to be qualified.
Jesus, however used and continues to use my very flaws and weaknesses to do great things. He used my pain to receive Glory and edify those around me. He has used my testimony of sexual abuse, my lack of resources and money, my experience of having a broken and separated family (the list could go on) to show the world that He is real, to show the world that there is hope, to show the world freedom is possible and so is Joy! I used to hide, but I can’t hide from God. I can’t pretend I have never been hurt and I cannot pretend that I have never hurt someone else. Genesis 3:9 (AKJV) And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said to him, Where are you?
God asked Adam, “Where are you” as Adam tried to hide from God after he ate the forbidden fruit. God asked Adam “Where are you” not because He didn’t know where Adam was. God asked Adam because He wants to see His children reconciled to Him and He is gracious enough to initiate the reconciliation process. God gives Adam the opportunity to acknowledge his error even when Adam was too ashamed to share it for himself. Like the psalmist David, I often wonder in praise ‘Who am I that God would care for me?’
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?
Thursday June 25th in Kansas City, Missouri as I was commissioned, I asked myself that question again. Not in doubt of myself, but in praise for God’s grace and love for me! I was reminded that whether I choose to follow God or not His plan will prevail. If He does not use me He will use someone else. God will turn brokenness into a beautiful story if I allow Him to. In my shy nature saying “yes” can be nerve-wrecking. Like Esther, I need God’s courage to speak up, I need a cousin/sister/brother like Mordecai who will keep me in check when I want to back out, I need a support system that will pray, fast with me and support me knowing that God has called me to be a leader among my people.
Esther 4:14English Standard Version (ESV)
14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Working and serving in Ecuador is my calling. I believe my testimony and saying ‘yes’ to God when He tells me to speak up, when he tells me to serve, when he tells me to be courageous are the tools God will use to reconcile lost sons and daughters back to him. I offer my pain in order to win souls. I offer my pain in order to bring healing. I offer my pain so that people will witness Gods miracles through my life because it was for such a time as this that I have come to the Kingdom of God.
This post was inspired by Pastor Peter Aun’s sermon in Kansas City, Missouri July 27th, 2015