If I had any control over God’s plans for my life, I would’ve been married yesterday.

2 Peter 3:8 But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.

He doesn’t work with my schedule. I run on His. So when friends and family ask me this question, or ask me “when do you plan on getting married?” I wish I could yell, or at least have a concrete answer. If I am honest my desire to be married or courting is more intense than my desire to resolve untouched traumatic experiences from my past. I am learning about myself and how I interact with people, family, and men. Truth is, I can’t leave the past untouched if I want to have a healthy relationship in the future. Why? Because it will manifest itself in how I relate to, trust, submit to, engage with another human being, especially a human being that will essentially hold my heart in his hands.

It is not to say I will let my past consume me, nor do I encourage you to do that. I do not believe allowing past hurts to take residence is healthy! I do believe knowing my weak areas, and the why to my actions and behaviors in relationships will save myself and future Mr. Him heartache. I used to look for someone who could love me as much as I wanted to love myself but had no courage to. Now, I know I don’t need a man’s love to complete me. God is love. If He is in me, what more completion do I need? But as God knows the desires of my heart, and that is to get married, then I will aim to be the example of a virtuous woman for God in preparation for the husband he has planned, if that is His plan.

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

“…helper who is just right for him.” Helper in the bible comes from the hebrew word ezer. Ezer derives from two hebrew roots meaning ‘POWER’, and ‘STRENGTH’. The power and strength that God poured unto me will be just right to compliment Mr. Him. Yes, ladies that means we were not created to be a secretary, to be an assistant. Adam said, Eve was ‘bone of his bones, flesh of his flesh’. How poetic and beautiful! Adam saw Eve as his equal. A man who sees the power and strength in me, in you, will not belittle, undermine or suppress that. He will be empowered and strengthened himself. He will allow my light to shine and not be intimated, but encouraged by it. He will lead courageously.

Genesis 2:23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”

I have dated to the point of being distracted from my purpose. I have done it wrong to the point of disobedience. I have done it to the point of unloving myself. And if he doesn’t love himself then it will take that much more from me spiritually and emotionally. I pray that fear won’t hold me back. I pray that I will take God-approved risks. But I pray that when the time comes I will be ready to love another, and that whoever he is will be ready to pursue a girl that can sometimes be more complicated than put together, but a woman who loves God, loves herself and is ready to love a Mr. Him.

I pray for a man who is praying for me as I am praying for him and a man whose path will be aligned with mine as we pursue God’s kingdom together. Oh! It’s going to be a beautiful thing! I can’t wait. But I will…

6 thoughts on “Are You Married Yet?

  1. Girl, you preaching. Mmm. Truly. I feel you on all those accounts. My thing is I’m so used to being single it takes a lot to convince me to get with a man. It’s not good for man to be alone but does that include women? God made woman out of a man’s need so if I end up alone, that’s ok with me. Sure I have everything it takes to run a household, sure being with someone for the rest of our lives would be fantastic. Sure. Damn sure I can raise some children. Sure. But I don’t trust man, men, people. Im still self involved. I’m concerned about getting myself in right standing.

    I’ve also accepted that it’s my choice to be with someone so the pressure of culture is not as heavy. I’m certainly not an easy person and I’m not willing to share myself so easily. …. I may have to blog my own response cause I have a lot of thoughts on this topic.

    1. I’m used to being single too, but I don’t want to be. If you want to be single AND it’s God’s will then you will not have sinned. In fact it is admirable to find a man or woman who is willing and physically and emotionally able to live a life of service as a single person in my opinion. I do believe we need to outgrow being self-involved though. I think most of us can relate to you in that aspect. I believe in marriage you make a choice to love your spouse every day. I believe a wife and husband will be taken apart and put together countless times in their journey, but like everything we do as believers, it’s essential you check your heart and I check mine. What’s the motive behind you wanting to stay single forever or considering it? Is it your fear of vulnerability? Is it you don’t want to sacrifice? Is it just plain fear and unresolved family issues? Marriage or the thought of it has us dig deeper into ourselves and find a lot of things we wouldn’t like about ourselves if we were the other. When we look at marriage as a design of God and not something that will satisfy our flesh then we start to see it as a ministry in itself. Not everyone is called for every ministry. And some are called to a particular ministry at a very different point in their lives.

      1. I should say I don’t want to be single forever. Right now I’m single because there’s work I need to do in the lord now as a single woman. Right now I’m content in my singleness, yet I desire marriage.

  2. I think this is beautiful, and very true. There is a book I’ve read a few years back I will have to look it up and let you know the exact name. It sourced Genisis and explains what you’ve touched on. God created Eve after Adam searched all of the Garden’s animals to find a companion. After he couldn’t find any God then took Adan’s rib and created Eve while he was asleep. what Adam was tasked with so was Eve. I’d like to write more, but I could keep going forever. I understand and agree with you God’s timing is perfect I’ve struggled with that same issue from time to time. We want everything to happen now but little do we know that we nor the person God is molding for us aren’t ready as of yet.

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