John 16:20 The truth is, you will cry and be sad, but the world will be happy. You will be sad, but then your sadness will change to happiness.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have troubles. But be brave! I have defeated the world!”

Last year around this time, I had my name on a lease. I was making more money. I was packing to visit Ecuador for the third time in two years. AND I had good credit.

According to 2015, my credit score went down almost 200 points thanks to late/no payments from being unemployed or ‘half’ way employed for months. Also, one of my roommates on the lease left without paying around $2,000 in rent (Thanks roomie!)

I was late in registering for commencement, so I didn’t get to walk. A sister in Christ is allowing me to live with her for free. AND I still do not have a stable job, therefore will not be visiting my family in Ecuador for New Years, and possibly will not go until my missionary assignment begins.

So why am I not breaking down? Well…at least at this very moment? God has humbled me. It is a reminder to seek him in all decisions, it is a reminder that getting up is a MUST because falling is inevitable. God is doing something here. I’d say it’s part of my spiritual missionary training. In spite of poor decision making, and sometimes growing weary the Lord has given me grace! He is teaching more than ever to be dependent on him in order to survive…literally!

He’s allowed my patience, self-control, pride, and ego to be tested. He has allowed my creativity to flourish! I don’t believe I would have created or edited as much poetry, or networked with as many people as I have, or have had projects on the way without this time of self reflection and evaluation of my goals. In 2015 only months after training, I have reached the halfway mark towards my missions fund! I’ve done more ministering through spoken word than any year prior. I traveled purposefully and went to places I haven’t been to before. More than ever, I have put my gifts to work.

My dreams have not been put on hold because of my circumstances! In fact, they have become most clear. More than ever I’m secure about my calling. In 2016 (God willing), you will see the seeds of 2015 reap fruit. My prayer is that you will be blessed with the projects, poetry, and ministry work. If it is God’s will, my missionary service will start in 2016! I will walk on January 21st for Hunter College Commencement ceremony, and I am praying and believing I will be more financially stable than I am now. Faith faith faith. That’s what it’s all about! Good things are coming. Don’t they always when we believe?! If it helps at all, I do not have it all together (no matter how good everything looks on Facebook). However knowing the Lord establishes my steps is all the assurance I need to know it will all come together according to God’s plan. I may not have it together but the one who holds my life in His hands does.

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